OK

Again, I've gotten enough phone calls regarding my last post(s) to prompt me to write an "I'm OK" entry. Of course, it's 4:30 on New Year's Eve and I am a bit tipsy from the several free shots at the bar, but really, I am doing fine. Last night's drive up north was a good one - time to cry, time to dream, time to remember. In the right context, the six hours spent on the road are quite therapeutic. I miss Dalton terribly, but I also have the space and freedom to consider what lies ahead. The same is true for the mornings in Mill Valley when I wake up alone (with my dog) and have time to read and write and pray.

I only went to the Cantina for lunch, and that was only because the two other restaurants I tried had closed early for New Years. I thought, "My kitchen is empty, and I should definitely eat something before going to tonight's party." Trying to be responsible! What I did not count on was a "family bar". Eek! the kind where everyone know your name in the Cheers kind of way. Despite my protests that I needed to get home and get ready for a party, it seemed as if the bartender was intent on keep me there. I was sent one free shot before I asked for the check, and two afterwards. uggh. It's an interesting phenomenon, how people pick a bar to visit on a regular basis - or even that they do. Some were couples, some singles. I wonder what there stories are. What brings them back. What brings them in the first place.

I certainly don't want that for my life. Thankfully, with Iain, it's really not even a possibility. It's just kind of wierd to be an observer, to crossover for a minute, to enter a world that isn 't mine.

Back to me being ok.

I am. Even though I am still pissed at God, I know he still has me in mind. I have a future. A good one. And the only reason I even know that is because of Dalton's faith. I'm not sure what the future looks like, but I am grateful every day for the ability to get out of bed, smile, play with my son, chat with people on the street, help out dear friends, and even meet interesting folks at the Cantina. If anything, right now, my life is a constant adventure, grounded by friends, and tempered by grief.

I am ok.