Monday, February 05, 2007

The Other Blog

Blogging has been difficult for me lately. Writing is easy, but blogging is difficult.

Most of you are just too close.

When I began writing last October, it was to keep everyone up-to-date on all things cancer. Church friends, insurance co-workers, high school friends, ministry teams, old acquaintances, and long-time family friends could all connect through the blog. It was easy to write for everyone because everyone was interested in Dalton's health.

Then when Dalton died, it was easy to write for everyone because everyone was interested in my loss and grief and plans for the future.

Now that I'm grappling as much with my loss as with my identity, things have gotten a bit stickier.

The truth is that some of you would be horrified by the humerous insights I gain after an evening out in Hollywood. Others of you would roll your eyes at my reflections on Scripture. Some of you feel like its dishonorable for me to stop wearing my wedding ring, and others wonder why I still have pictures up in the house. This would all be fine if I were anonymous. I would just write it like it is and disable the comments button. But I'm not anonymous, and I can't very well tell those who care about me to disable their comment button.

I guess what I am trying to say and miserably failing at saying is that I feel stuck. I want to keep writing here to keep people in touch with what and how Iain and I are doing, but I think it might also be time to start a new blog where I can write anonymously for other young widows who might actually be comforted by some candid discussion of this mess.

Actually, if it weren't for the other widows who already read this blog, I wouldn't have written this post at all, because I really don't want to offend the people I love the most.

Oh for goodness sake, I should have just posted the following "I'm starting a new blog written for young widows rather than friends and family. If you read this blog because you are a young widow or just find young widowhood intriguing, please email me at and I'll give you the new address. Otherwise, if you are a friend or family member who wants to stay current on what Iain and I are doing, this is the place to be.

See what i mean, this post is a disaster because I want to make everyone happy. And it is really hard for honesty and codependency to coexist.


Anonymous Katie B. said...

Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us thus far. I think it's a great idea for you to share some of your more vulnerable thoughts in relative anonimity.

I so appreciate your honesty and candor. I think that there are so many others out there that would benefit from your insight, no matter how candid.

5:58 PM  

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