Saturday, July 29, 2006

Self-centered and Apologetic

Dear Anonymous:

You are right. I am self-centered. As are you. As was Dalton. As is my precious son Iain. As is all of humanity. It is our nature. It is why we disobeyed God in the first place. And, it is why we continue to do so. Nevertheless, for most of the day, I try not to be. I wake up in the morning and I fix breakfast for my son. We read stories. We sing. I tell him about his daddy. We chase each other around the house. I do my best.

This blog is more of an open journal and ongoing prayer. Like the Psalms without the "God-inspiration" part. I've never been much of an emotional exhibitionist. Yet the blog lets me express my grief so that friends and family know my pain and my struggle. So they can pray and care for me as Jesus tells us all to do. Including you.

It is self-indulgent. If it offends you, pray for me. It is whiny, and that offends me. But for right now, it's all I have the strength for. Your rant is whiny and self-righteous and you have no excuse (forgive me, God).

In fact, I regularly thank God that Dalton now longer suffers. I appreciate that he is free from all of his burdens. It is my own loss and Iain's loss that I grieve and that is quite normal. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall know comfort. And while that comfort will ease the pain, it will not be reieved until I am done with this temporal life and am living in the eternal.

As for my faith, judge not lest ye be judged. I take comfort in knowing that both scripture and the writings of past saints affirm my angst, my anger, my pain, my weakness, and my joy. It assures me that even when I question, God remains. I would encourage you to spend some time reviewing scripture with an open heart. Read the Psalms. Read David's words. Reivsit the disciples' lives. Consider Paul. Even Jesus whose relationship to God surpasses most human understanding cries out "Why have you forsaken me?"

And, do not fall into the trap of the Pharisees, to whom Jesus says, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them."

"Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone."

The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." And with that, I will pray for your wretched soul.

10 Comments:

Blogger Tanya said...

Word!

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well put!!

2:45 PM  
Blogger Amy The Writer said...

Well you can take comfort that you're nobody until somebody attacks you on your blog, ha ha ha.

Seriously though, is there a blog that's NOT self-centered? Isn't that exactly what a blog is? Like is there any water out there that's not wet?

Anonymous commenters can be such idiots.

You're doing absolutely the right thing. I've always found it fascinating how my perception changes when I pray for people I dislike. So with that in mind, I add a prayer. I don’t have the Scriptures at my fingertips, though, so I’ll have to wing it:

Dear God, please bring clarity of thought and mind and heart to this misguided toad of an anonymous commenter. Please forgive me for calling said commenter a misguided toad. Please shower blessings on this person’s life. Give them freedom, give them joy. Give them a deeper understanding of the human condition, and the ability to understand that blogging about wanting to go to Vegas does not make a person evil or a bad mother, they’re simply expressing an ache deep within them that they can’t express any another way. Please love this anonymous commenter, because they need to feel what compassion is like, so they in turn can demonstrate it to others. Please show them the Save As Draft concept, so that they wait a day to express their thoughts, as Tricia has so graciously done, in the hopes that they will understand their first impression was severely mistaken. Please stop them from doing stupid things in the future. Please stop me from doing stupid things. Please stop us all from doing stupid things. And bring Tricia sweet peace and overwhelming strength today. Amen.

3:10 PM  
Anonymous William & Karin Mendiola said...

Tricia - glad to see you are still blogging... heh heh heh!

Nice work on the biblical bitch slap.

Be Well.

8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tricia,
To say that I am shocked at the response of "your anonymous blogger" would be the least of my feelings at this time. I do not have the faith that you have. I am often pissed at the things that are happening in our lives and I don't understand how a loving God could let these things happen. I see children with parents that are undeserving of such wonderful children. I see my friends that have given so much to the youth of today diagnosed with terrible
life ending diseases. On the other hand, I see miserable scum allowed to live. I don't get it. Normally, I use my name.......I guess I let my venom flow and am not comfortable with it.
Please don't stop blogging with your true feelings.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Sycz said...

Nice.

Wonderful place this internet is.

You can say whatever you want. But if you make a ridiculous comment, 15 people will let you know about it.

Well put Trisha.

6:40 AM  
Anonymous tracy said...

Awesome response! Thanks for sharing your heart! You are undoubtly inspiring others, not to mention the fact that this is YOUR blog to write about what you wish!! We appreciate you sharing your heart! PRAYING FOR YOU!

5:04 PM  
Anonymous James and Tena said...

We are still praying for you and Iain. We would love to get together sometime.

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the greatest gifts God gave all us humans, was to FEEL. Did I say GIFT, ok its both a gift and a a curse. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. We cannot appreciate the amazing feelings of joy and extasy, with nothing to compare it to, the lows. I would rather feel pain than feel nothing at all because at least I know I am alive. Hmmmm is that right? yes... I have loved and lost too. I have cried so much I could no longer pee, its unbelievable but true... But I go on somehow. We each feel in our own special way "that practical, apparent non-feeling blogger" in her own way does too. Sadly I know her she is like someone who raised me, so practical, GO ON, dont FEEL, why are you always SO FEELING?!?!?! She taught me to not be like her, so I feel everything to the deepest part of my soul!!! Again a gift and a curse. So when is your Vegas Trip? I miss Dalton every day...what a special gift you two shared, although I do not know your pain I share the pain of the loss of an extraordinary gentleman and gentle man. I miss seeing flowers on his desk waiting to go home to you, every Thursday... so many things, still so many tears...The love you two shared, touched so many. You are a Lady of Faith (sounds saintly, and is meant too!) through and through Trish, know so many of us are with you and Ilan in spirit and in our prayers. Lou (keep blogging!)

11:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am personally horrified that someone called you a "coward" and "self-centered" and admonished you to "take care of Iain". That person showed the shallowness of their soul and emptiness of their heart. They thought they were "speaking the truth" but they were insipid and cowardly themselves - esp. by staying anonymous.

You don't have to defend yourself against that BS. Don't throw your pearls to swine.
Don't even worry another minute about it.

Michelle Reynolds Lowe

PS I recommend the breakfast buffet at the Paris Hotel in Vegas. YUMMY!!

8:34 PM  

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