Before you read...
A dear friend just commented that the following post will likely piss off some of my readers. I really hope not. If any Christian doubts or questions our ability to struggle with faith and wrestle with God, I highly recommend CS Lewis' "A Grief Observed." If Lewis can question God and his goodness as he grieves, then surely it is ok for me. I'll come out on the other side because God is the author and finisher of my faith. If it depended on me, I wouldn't be here in the first place.
posted by Tricia @ 9:39 AM
2 Comments:
Tricia-
Just today i found the sealed envelope of a card I wrote to you a couple of months ago. I had asked a few for your address but never got it. I remembered that many months ago Susie Sprouse from choir had told me of your blog. I've never been to anyone's blog and not to yours until just this moment. How interesting that I land on the day when you mention what I think is the most honest and effective book on grief, "A Grief Observed" and when you comment on your struggles. I have thought of you so often as I personally and the cathedral choir as a group had prayed for Dalton and for you. I have prayed from the first day I learned his diagnosis. I know a lot about pediatric cancer and a little about adult cancer and I know enough to know that you must have surely been through hell. Oh, Tricia - I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I know nothing else to say to you but to be one more person to give you permission to grieve however you need to. Quicklyl, slowly, sporadically, with anger, with joy, with relief, with despair, with hopelessness, with faithlessness, with faith, in bed all day long or with a matinee and pedicure. God is big enough for any response from you and He will be on the other side waiting for you as He is in every part of your despair and struggle. I don't know if you remember that I've been a pediatric oncology nurse for 19 years. Today a precious little 10 y/o girl died. With most of my patients, I expect their deaths as I work with kids who have brain tumors and we usually know well in advance when things are going "that" way. But with this little girl, she was fine with a high expectation of a long life jsut one month ago. Today she breathed her last and it broke many hearts. It reminds me that so many are in grief and everyone grieves differently. They call it "grief work" because it's hard work at times. You do what you need to do, Tricia. Regardless of how you feel about God, He continues to watch over and adore you and hold you from above, below, beside and within. Take care.
Joyce Derrickson
Oooh, little one, it is heart wrenching to see your raw pain, weak from bleeding...for your tears have turned to blood, they are so deep with anquish. No earthly being knows how to comfort you. We just stare at your words, almost unbearably, because we are afraid we too might suffer your extreme losses. Those thoughts startle us out of our comfort zones, and everyday lives. We don't know how to reach out, we only know we must.
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