Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Slowing Down

I am fascinated by myself right now. Not in a "Gee, I'm great." kind of way, but in a "I wonder what's going to happen next" sort of way. I feel a bit like a science experiment.

There is so much space in my life right now. It's full of gaps and pokets that I can fill with whatever I choose. And, I have the time to consider the question of how to fill them and how I feel about them. I also know this is a completely priveleged circumstance and one which isn't likely to endure. So, I want to pay attention and make notes so that I can remember it later.

Unfortunately for me, the tedious process of recording observations was always the weakest link in my scientific endeavors. I liked the hypothesizing, the analyzing, the process of coming to a conclusion, and the conclusion itself. But the observation tested my patience, required discipline, and seemed like a necessary but boring step in the experiment.

Since this is the observation stage of my experiment, my days seem very slow and require a lot of attending to my emotional state.

I wake up and leisurely read stories with Iain, fix breakfast, get ready, and drive him to school. Then, I look at my day, reviewing the big goals and the appointments, and prioritize them. Today's list looks like this:

A1 Planning and Solitude
A2 Advent Devotional and Prayer
A3 Schoolwork/BMGT 408 Assignment (1.5 hours)
A4 Write for book and blog (2 hours)
A5 Clean house/finish laundry (1 hour)
A6 Dryel (.25 hours)
A7 Chiropracter (I fell and tore two shoulder ligaments)
A8 Read (1 hour)
B1 Bills
B2 Christmas Cards
B3 Respond to Match Emails
B4 Festival Chart
B5 Gift List
C1 Call Katie about Borrowing Jeep for Tree and Ikea
C2 Set up Appt. with Attorney for House Contract
C3 Schedule Painter for Front Door

I have a production meeting for the film I'm helping out with at 8am, a counseling session at 9:30, and I'm taking Iain to Chuck E Cheese at 5. Otherwise the day is open.

And, while there is more on the list than I can accomplish today, it still seems slow and introspective. Prayer is slow. Schoolwork is slow. Writing is very slow.

All this space gives my emotions a chance to come to the surface and I not only feel them, but have time to figure out why they might be there. It's not only helping my writing, but I think it's making me a better friend.


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