Monday, October 30, 2006

Panic Attacks and Remembrances Part 1

They've been brewing for a couple of weeks now, but today I had a real life panic attack. I'd thought it was lack of sleep or wierd chick hormonal issues or maybe just a reaction to some medication. But it wasn't. Those things cleared up and then bam! Today.

I know it was a panic attack because not only was I hyperventilating and unable to function, but I was completely irrational.

Inside Tricia's head...I can't move to Northern California, I'll never be able to get a job. No one will hire me, not even a temp agency for $12/hour. I have a baby. How do I explain that to an employer. No one hires single moms and that's what I am. Plus, what about the freak factor. I'm a widow. No one will like me in northern California. No one likes me now, but they feel too sorry for me to cut me off. Etc, etc.

On top of all that nonsense, I developed excruciating pain in my left heel and diagnosed myself with metastatic breast cancer. Then I crawled into bed and listened to The Weakerthans over and over again until I could compose myself.

What a complete mess!!!

Truly, i am so embarrassed.

But I am better now. And realizing (hoping) that maybe some of it was really hormonal. And maybe one night's sleep does not a well rested person make. And even if it takes me a year to find a job, I'll be ok. And even if no one likes me, I can make new friends.

Maybe I'm not completely better, but you should have seen me this afternoon.

Anyways, I stumbled across the remembrances file in my email and realized that I had never kept my promise to share them with the rest of you. In fact, I hadn't even finished reading them myself. So, I am going to start tonight, one at a time. Thank you to everyone who has done this thus far. I know that they will someday mean a lot to Iain and they already mean a lot to me.

Iain, take a look at these three stylin' images... No, these beaming hipsters aren’t models from a 1958 LIFE magazine photo spread. The two swingin' sophisticates you see before you happen to be your parents, circa 2004. And this photo perfectly captures their whimsical side.Your dad was the consummate host: witty, urban, ready with a bon mot, and highly adept at the shaker and the strainer. He could small talk about the best way to decanter wine and a second later, delve into a conversation on Dorothy L. Sayer's idea to educate small children in Latin. A dapper "Man About Town" with depth. Equally at home in theology and Monty Python.And a true friend who brought joy to our lives.This is just one of the ways we'll be remembering your dad. Stay tuned for the others!

Love,Autumn & JC Cornwell

In addition to these photos, JC and Autumn also sent this photo of Iain and Daddy when Iain was just one day old. Thought I'd share it as well.


Blogger pitt_chick said...

Those pictures are so touching. Thanks for giving me a face to put with the name. He was so, so special.

4:49 AM  

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