Thursday, October 13, 2005

It's Blog Time

It's funny, but sleep has never been a problem for me until now. I've been lying awake since just after 3 trying to slow the thoughts in my head. It obviously isn't working, so once again I've decided to give up and focus my nervous energies elsewhere. In about 3 hours, we will be meeting with one of the top esophageal cancer surgeons in the country. A friend of a friend recommended him and he has been cancer free for five years. When I mentioned his name to Dalton's gastroenterolgist, he confirmed that Dr. DeMeester was definitely on the short list of the best of the best. Getting in to see him so quickly was definitely a miracle, so I guess that's one down and a couple more to go. Go God!

At this point, I'm not sure what to be hoping for. It appears from the CT scan that there is some spread to the lymph nodes and in some cases that means that they will not attempt surgery. At the same time, it is obviously getting more ad more difficult for Dalton to swallow and we both fear that within a couple of weeks, even liquids will be impossible. He went out today to pick up some Ensure Plus (a hysterical thought for a 37 year old man who was trying to slim down for a 5k in January) and a super deluxe heavy duty blender - you know the kind that can puree a car tire and claim it's edible. I guess what I most want to hear is that they're going to move quickly, perform the surgery, start the chemo and radiation, and make this thing get the hell out.

By the way, did I mention that Dalton's car broke down while he was out buying blenders? Not normally a crisis, but more than an annoyance for someone who has other things to be concerned with. We simply decided to leave it there and deal with it tomorrow. For the most part, Dalton has been incredibly optimistic, pointing out that his odds of beating the cancer are better than his odds of getting it in the first place, but I know he gets scared when he looks at Iain and he told me today that he just wasn't ready to say goodbye to his kids yet. Little Dalton will be with us all weekend and will probably think it's just awesome that Dad gets to eat strawbery shakes for breakfast lunch and dinner. Because of his autism, I'm sure he won't understand much more than that Daddy is very sick but he's a sensitive kid and will know that something isn't quite right.

Thanks again for your prayers. They are keeping us all going.


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